We See the World Differently

Have you ever been involved in an argument where both you and the other party state clearly that you are both right? Is it possible that you both …are… right?

We each see the world differently.

A grandfather and his nine year old grandson, both remark how wonderful a baseball park is during their afternoon outing to take in the baseball game. Each is focused on different things they are each taking in as they enter the ball park. The grandfather notices how the stadium team is working diligently and together to ready the field, cutting grass, smoothing the dirt around the bases and liming the field.

The grandson watches with glee as the team mascot banters and plays with other children in the first three rows. “Isn’t this place just great?” comments the grandfather. “You bet!” is his young charge’s reply. Yet the two are focused on very different aspects of the experience.

You have different information available to you. You notice things, different things from other people. You each know yourselves better than anyone else. Your observations are based upon your background, interests, likes and so on.

Your interpretations of those observations are influenced by your past experiences. You each apply different implicit rules, based upon how you each evolved to see the world over time.

Your conclusions reflect your self-interest.

You look for information to support your view. It’s a genetic predisposition.

When you combine different observations and interpretations with individual conclusions based upon competing self-interests, there is no wonder that each party differs in their beliefs about what is right or true.

The Key

To move around getting blocked or stuck in your position, you can take another view. Instead of looking for certainty, look at things with curiosity. One of your most useful emotions is curiosity. In order for you to be genuinely curious, you must be open and not “already know” the way it is.

This is the way into the other party’s story. You may want to embrace both stories and pick the “and” stance, instead of “either / or.”

Two Exceptions That Really Aren’t

What if I absolutely, positively know I’m right?

Well, to put this gracefully … it doesn’t matter. What’s right isn’t relevant and doesn’t generally matter. Your focus is not on what’s right. The thing to focus on is what is important. Most often it is not what is right that is important. It is something else.

What’s right gets in the way so often, that it can be counterproductive. By focusing on what is important (even if you really and truly ARE right) you will generally get a great deal further a lot quicker than holding to your position, even if it is a totally valid position.

Does the suggestion to understand the other person apply, even if I am going to fire someone?

Yes it does. Firing someone usually points to the wrong fit. The fit is not right between the person, the position and the company. Yet, this is a conversation that is difficult for everyone.

Understanding the other party allows you to minimize the negative significance and possible repercussions of the situation. Further, you might learn valuable things from the interaction if you seek to understand the other person, notwithstanding that it does not alter the decision to fire them.

… Part 1